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Written by Min Zhu   
Tuesday, 25 December 2007

Marriage Help - Love Means You Are Sorry 

Love Means Having to Say You Are Sorry


If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is hurtful or damaging to
the relationship, say that you are sorry.  Many people struggle with these words,
even when  they know that  what  they did was wrong.  It actually takes a  strong

person to apologize.  Do not wait until you think you have the courage but say it
immediately, and  with  sincerity.  Too  often  when  couples  argue, there  is a long
period of silence, which actually makes the anger and tension worse.  You need to
let your mate know immediately that you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness.


Be Yourself


Do not be phony in your relationship, trying to be someone or something different
as a way to please your mate.  For a relationship to work, both people need to be
themselves and react to things naturally.  Just imagine if you are really kind of on
the silly side, enjoying life to the fullest.  Then you meet a wonderful person who is
much more conservative than you are.  Because you are attracted to them, you try
to squelch your normal vibrant personality.  You are miserable and eventually, the
person is going to be exposed to the ?real? you.  You have to base any relationship
on honesty or it will eventually fall apart.


Maintain Your Health


You might think ? what does good health have to do with a good relationship?  In
reality,  it has  a  lot  to  do  with  it.  Having  a  good  relationship  means  having the
energy to enjoy getting out and doing things together.  To do that, it is important to
eat right.  When people are tired, they become short-tempered and frustrated.  For
this reason, it is important to get the right amount of sleep.  Good exercise keeps
your body in shape for being adventurous together.  Taking care of your body and
mind will flow over into your relationship  and make you a calmer,  stronger,  and
better-balanced person.


Compliment ? A Lot


Be generous with compliments.  It is very common for people to notice something
nice about another person and think about it internally, but never voice it.  When in
a  relationship,  compliments  are like  glue.   They hold  the  couple?s  attention  and
respect.  Make sure your compliments are genuine and based on something you
see  or  hear  your  mate  do.   If  you  have  a  clogged  garbage  disposal  and  your
boyfriend or husband is able to unclog it, compliment them on being handy.  If your
girlfriend or wife takes her mother to the doctor, compliment her on her generosity.
The  fact  is  that  criticism  is  destructive  and  can  very  quickly  tear  a  relationship
apart.  Just like the cliché, ?If you do not have something nice to say, then do not
say anything at all.?  This is very true ? take notice of the good things your mate
does and make it known to them that you see and appreciate those things.


Realistic Expectations


No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.  Be
careful about putting someone on a pedestal, especially in the early stages of your
relationship.  Make sure that the expectations you have for your mate and yourself
are  realistic.   There  are  going to  be  differences  in  opinion,  and  probably some
disagreements.  Also, do not assume that your mate knows how you feel or what

you think about something.  When discussing something important to you, ensure
that you both understand the same thing.  The reality is that neither one of you is
going to know exactly what the other one needs.  As long as you do not expect
them  to  read  your  mind  and  accept  that  this  is  a  part  of  getting  to  know  one
another and communicating, you will be fine.


Leave the Baggage Behind


Every person  on  the  face  of  the  Earth  has  some  kind  of  history,  or  ?baggage?,
although at varying levels.  Do not walk into a relationship with your arms loaded
with that baggage.  The past is the past.  Even though there are things from the
past that are hurtful, and even damaging, learn from those things and come out a
better and stronger person.  This allows you to step into a new relationship with
better knowledge of what not to do.  Leave the baggage from the past alone, focus
on today, and look forward to tomorrow.


Do Not Repeat, Do Not Repeat, Do Not Repeat


Learn from your mistakes.  When something goes wrong and the two of you work
through  it,  do  not  repeat  the  same  mistake.   Rather  than  dive  right  back  into
whatever it was you did or said, think before you act.  At first, this will take some
discipline but as you see positive results in the relationship, be encouraged that it
is working.
.

Go on a Date


Especially for  married couples,  but  even for some ?dating? couples, start dating.
Often people become very comfortable in their relationship and sitting around on
the weekends, watching movies is about as exciting as it gets.  Ask your mate out.
For  example,  actually  call  them  and  ask,  ?If  you  do  not  have  any  plans  for
Saturday  night,  would  you  like  to  go  to  a  concert  with  me??   It  is  crucial  to
relationships that they keep the fire alive by enjoying the act of dating.  There are
many people in long-term,  successful marriages that will tell you they go out on
dates every week, which has been a huge bonus for their relationship.


Memory Box


Start  a  memory  box  to  store  old  movie  tickets,  brochures  from  cities  visited,
concert ticket stubs, old ski lift passes, cards attached to flowers received, old love
notes or letters, birthday cards or anniversary cards from your mate, anything that
the two of you did together.  Every once in awhile, pull the box out and look at the
items with your mate.  Reminisce about each memento, and keep all the special
times in your life close to your heart!


Keep the Kids Out of It


Whether married or dating, if there are kids involved, it is crucial that they are not
used as pawns in any situation.  For example, if your mate wants to get intimate

and  you  are  not  in  the  mood,  do  not  say,  ?I  need  to  help  the  kids  with  their
homework,? or if something that needed to be done was not taken care of because
you forgot, do not blame it on the kids by saying, ?I was taking care of the kids and
did not have time.?  In the first scenario, be honest with your mate and tell them
that you are very tired and while intimacy is important, you would prefer to make
sure the  kids are in bed on  time  so the  two of you can have some quality time
together.   This  opens  an  honest  line  of  communication  and  does  not  place  ill
feelings on the kids, especially since it is not their problem to begin with.




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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 26 December 2007 )
 
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